Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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