When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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