She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
