It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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