I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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