I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
