Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
