3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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