Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
