She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
