It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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