Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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