then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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