new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
