keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize