we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
