pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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