After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
