I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
