at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
