I'm laying in your front yard are you home
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
