I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
