I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
