My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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