Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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