You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
