I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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