The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
