we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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