We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my shit smells like andre
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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