She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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