I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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