Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
