I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
