I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
