How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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