shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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