Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
