she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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