just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
