The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
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If this is a surprise then I'm assuming getting puking drunk amongst your friends is fairly common. People that are that drunk is normally a red flag for most people.
Do you puke outside a lot? Because, you know, so many of the women I know consider some dude who's puke-drunk *so* attractive.
try having some self-confidence, dress nice, don't smell bad or like a junior high locker room, and mainly (this is a big one) hold your liquor.
Also don't use derogatory remarks.
The RealDoll; it was made just for you.