Pants 0. Shit 1.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
