My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
