what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
