You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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