Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
