I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
