I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
