Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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