We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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