Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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