By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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