The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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