listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
