So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
