Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
