I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I died a long time ago.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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