I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
