I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
