A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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