I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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