just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
