Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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