As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
