Plan B is the new Plan A
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
