dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
