Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
