I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
