READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
