It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just puked most of my soul out..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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