today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
