Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
