the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
try to milk me bitch
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