there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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