if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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