sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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