woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
